It’s been a weird year.
My husband and I had our wedding in March. Not a big deal, except that in the months leading up to it, I developed severe anxiety, a sleep disorder, and, most unsettlingly, a hypersensitivity to certain kinds of sounds (a symptom of anxiety). I stopped being able to listen to a lot of music I used to enjoy in the past.
In January, I came across old seasons of Hidden Singer on Netflix. That’s where I first heard Lee Juck’s 다행이다.
“다행이다,” from his 2007 album 나무로 만든 노래 (Songs Made of Wood), is one of Lee Juck’s most well-known songs, written for his now-wife while she was studying abroad. It’s also one of the few songs I could listen to without experiencing panic attack-like symptoms. I listened to it on repeat for months. And, as is the case with most of my favorite songs, the lyrics struck me deeply.
다행히/다행이다 is not a complicated word. It’s commonly used in daily Korean in a number of situations. And yet, that’s exactly what gave me pause.
다행(多幸) is literally ‘much luck/fortune’–that’s the same 행 as in 행복, 행운, 불행, 요행. I’ve seen this song title translated as “It’s a Relief,” “Relieved,” “Fortunate,” “It’s Fortunate.” The phrase 다행이다 could also mean “thank goodness,” “how lucky,” “thankfully.” All of those words and phrases have their own specific nuances.
I used to feel helpless translating, at times, even a phrase as basic as 다행이다, which seems to carry several layers upon second glance. How do I know which is the right interpretation? What did the artist or writer intend? I’ve stopped thinking like that for the most part. My translation can try to be true to the original writer, but ultimately it is most true to myself. It’s a mere snapshot of my self, my feelings, at one particular moment in time. Through translation, I often uncover hidden truths about myself.
Listening to 다행이다, I thought of the phrase “What a relief.” But I didn’t think of a person. I thought about Korean. The sound of the language, the words, the grammar, Hangeul itself.
What a relief, that I had even just one ever-present, constant thing that I could rely on during that time in my life. What relief, that there was at least one thing I could delight in when it felt like I was disappointing everyone around me. What a relief, that I’ve had the privilege to pursue this language purely, doggedly, for so long. 다행이다.
| “다행이다” — 이적 그대를 만나고 그대의 머릿 결을 만질 수가 있어서 그대를 만나고 그대와 마주보고 숨을 쉴 수 있어서 그대를 안고서 힘이 들면 눈물 흘릴 수가 있어서 다행이다 그댈 아는 아름다운 세상이 여기 있어줘서 거친 바람 속에도 젖은 지붕 밑에도 홀로 내팽개쳐져 있지 않다는 게 지친 하루살이와 고된 살아남기가 행여 무의미한 일이 아니라는 게 언제나 나의 곁을 지켜주던 그대라는 놀라운 사람 때문이란 걸 그대를 만나고 그대와 나눠 먹을 밥을 지을 수 있어서 그대를 만나고 그대의 저린 손을 잡아줄 수 있어서 그대를 안고서 되지 않는 위로라도 할 수 있어서 다행이다 그댈 아는 아름다운 세상이 여기 있어줘서 거친 바람 속에도 젖은 지붕 밑에도 홀로 내팽개쳐져 있지 않다는 게 지친 하루살이와 고된 살아남기가 행여 무의미한 일이 아니라는 게 언제나 나의 곁을 지켜주던 그대라는 놀라운 사람 때문이란 걸 그대를 만나고 그대의 머릿결을 만질 수가 있어서 | “What a relief” — Lee Juck What a relief it is that I can see you and run my fingers through your hair that we can sit face to face and breathe the same air that I can hold you and let myself cry when things get too hard What a relief that this beautiful world exists with you in it Even as the wind whips fiercely around me and even as the roof I stand under drips with rain What a relief it is that I’m not abandoned here alone My weary daily life and my struggle to survive isn’t in vain because an astonishing person like you is always by my side What a relief it is that I can see you and we can share a meal together that I can clasp your aching hands in my own that I can hold you and comfort you as best I can What a relief that this beautiful world exists with you in it Even as the wind whips fiercely around me and even as the roof I stand under drips with rain What a relief it is that I’m not abandoned here alone My weary daily life and my struggle to survive isn’t in vain because an astonishing person like you is always by my side What a relief it is that I can see you and run my fingers through your hair |
Header Photo by Issara Willenskomer on Unsplash
